I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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