I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
