All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
