yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize