I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
