if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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