i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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