Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
