So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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