video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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