I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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