i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
