I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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