He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I look better un-naked...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
