Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
