My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
