She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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