Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
