Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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