I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
