He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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