I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
