two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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