O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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