If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
