I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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