that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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