just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
