I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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