Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
