My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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