idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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