She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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