I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
