Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do vagina's smell?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
