I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
