I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nutella sex= disaster
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
