we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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