so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
