I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize