what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
