i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
