That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
