There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
