Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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