I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize