just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
