It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
