just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i now understand why vodka
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
