I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
