dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
