five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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