Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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