it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize