i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
thus making me awesome and them whores
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
