I CAN MOONWALK!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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