didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
