apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
