I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
