I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
