well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you made out with another girl for some wings
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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