I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
