having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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