Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize