I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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