I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
