Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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