just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
