They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
