Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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