I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
